Thursday, 22 March 2012


"I knew Tulisa weren't talking to me, but 
not cos she had her mouf full!!" - Dappy
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|_|         |_|  22.03.12 ISSUE 587
 
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* Hugh Grant's karaoke classic
* More celebrity soilings
* Charts: Katy Perry will be new number one
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        >> Olympic floater <<
        Passed from ring to ring
 
    Enormous Olympic rings have started popping
    up in London. There's a set at St Pancras,
    another recently floated down the Thames,
    and a third set will be suspended at
    Tower Bridge.
 
    We're told that there's something
    special about one of the rings. Someone 
    involved in their construction had a bit
    of a downer on the whole Olympics in London
    thing. So he took a shit inside one of
    the rings. And then had it welded shut.
 
http://bit.ly/GPSjBi
 
 
------------------------------------------------
PRFR writes: "Up north, where I currently live, 
the expression for a turd left in the toilet 
bowl is a 'dead otter'."
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        >> Private Number <<
        Hugh swears off karaoke    
 
    Just in case anyone's in any doubt, 
    Hugh Grant really likes his privacy.
 
    A bartender working at a star-studded
    charity event at the The Sanderson
    hotel was serving Grant, just as the
    celebrity karaoke session (MC'd by
    Will off Will and Grace) started up. 
    The bloke stood next to Hugh at the
    bar asked him what karaoke classic
    he had up his sleeve.
 
    Apparently it was a little known
    number entitled "Fuck Off".
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Stephen Ireland is so unpopular in his native
Cork for refusing to play for the national
team that they now call him "Stephen England".
------------------------------------------------ 
 
 
        >> Big Questions <<
        What people are asking this week
 
    The S Club 7 reunion has been on the
    cards for ages, with six of them all
    raring to go but one who kept holding 
    out on the rest. Which one was it? 
    And what must it have taken for her
    to change her mind?
 
 
------------------------------------------------
The guy who wrote the theme from Buffy also
wrote the music for that viral video Baby
Monkey Going Backwards On A Pig.
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***********************************************
Want to fight zombies in an abandoned shopping 
centre? Limited places available before the 
shopping centre is demolished. Simon Pegg says:
"Oh hell yes! If you can get there, get some!"
Book now before it's too late: 
http://wish.co.uk/zombie-shopping-mall/
***********************************************
 
       
        >> N-Dupez <<
        Hacks aren't the only liars
 
    If Lord Leveson is still reading
    Popbitch, we'd just like to reiterate
    the point about why it's not always
    useful to fact-check stories with
    celebrities or their agents.
 
    Monday - Tulisa's representatives:
    "This tape is 100 per cent fake
    and is just someone trying to cash
    in on her X Factor role... She is
    horrified that someone would go to
    the extreme lengths of fabricating
    a video. It is absolutely not her.
    Tulisa has categorically never
    allowed anyone to film her having
    sex."
 
    Wednesday - Tulisa:
    "[The tape] consists of footage 
    between me and an ex-boyfriend
    having an intimate moment... I
    can be honest when I say this
    isn't unexpected for me."
 
    Still, fair play to her. She's
    handled the situation pretty
    magnificently. Unlike Dappy, who
    got himself caught up in it and
    inadvertently managed to let slip
    how well acquainted he was with
    Fazer's penis. And that he'd 
    watched his own cousin's sex tape. 
 
 
FYI: Online sex toy shop Lovehoney offered 
Tulisa 200k this week to be the face of 
their range:
http://lovehoney.co.uk
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Like investigative journalist Donal MacIntyre,
Rolf Harris also wears Ugg boots.
------------------------------------------------ 
 
   
        >> Dyer situation <<
        Danny falls for camera trick
 
    Danny Dyer was at the SHAFTA awards
    last week and fell for one of the
    oldest tricks in the book. Porn star
    Peter Oh Tool bumped into him and
    asked if there was any chance of a
    photo. Danny said sure, and walked
    up to stand next to him only to be
    handed the camera and told "Thanks
    Danny! Make sure you take a good
    shot for us!"
 
FYI: Emma Bunton falls for that trick too.
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Tweet-of-the-week from Lee "911" Brennan: 
"In car behind Liverpool player Charlie Adam in 
Weeton, he got out of his car & herded about 20 
sheep back into their field!! Priceless!!"
------------------------------------------------
 
 
        >> Dark territory <<
        More shitty pants stories
 
    Continuing our series of celebrity
    soilings, there's an old story about
    Steven Seagal on the set of Out Of
    Justice. He was apparently boasting
    about how he couldn't be choked, a
    claim the film's stunt co-ordinator
    called him out on. Not only did he
    successfully choke Seagal, he also
    caused him to crap himself. 
 
    The story goes that Seagal then got
    a gagging order to stop anyone who
    witnessed the incident to keep schtum
    about it. Which they did. Until this
    week, when Gene LeBell - the stunt
    co-ordinator himself - all but
    confirmed the story in an interview
    with a martial arts website.
 
Listen (about 9 minutes in):
http://bit.ly/GBf6QO
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Greg Wallace has the Millwall crest tattooed
on his chest.
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***********************************************
Four ex-soldiers, a reporter and a high-tech 
spud cannon, of course something goes horribly 
wrong. Read the book that Nick Hornby called 
"ingenious" – The Family Fang spud gun chapter:
http://bit.ly/GIi6gL
***********************************************
 
 
        >> iPete <<
        Kids these days...
 
    Ever wonder what Pete Tong does when
    he's not flying round the world,
    spinning discs and raising roofs?
    Well, he played the end of term 
    disco at a West London prep school.
 
    Wonder if the kids had any idea who
    the fifty-something bloke behind 
    the decks was?
 
------------------------------------------------
Kirstie Allsopp spotted at a shoe shop in Kew
unable to find any pairs wide enough to fit
her feet.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
        >> Panda Popbits <<
        Never say no etc...
 
    Loving German DJ duo Turntablerocker's 
    new track Alles auf die 303. It has some
    great knob-twiddling, Josh Wink style.
    And a video featuring a rather porn-y panda.
http://bit.ly/GNMNxV 
 
 
FYI: Congrats to One Direction for becoming 
the first globally successfully boy band for 
a decade. One Thing and What Makes You Beautiful
are great pop songs. It's weird how time's 
stood still, though. The bloke who wrote 
these also wrote for the last ones, N*Sync 
and Backstreet Boys.
  
------------------------------------------------
Q: What is six inches long and only goes in
one direction?
A: Simon Cowell's cock.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
        >> A bit of Blue <<
        Entertaining as ever
 
    There's a new Blue album on the way
    which will be good news for Duncan
    James. Staff at a gym in West Hampstead
    say he was "let go" from their club
    after he was caught sharing a pass
    around with a bunch of his mates. The
    personal trainer he's got now will be
    costing him a bit more. 
 
    Lee Ryan seems to be having a better
    time of it. He's reconciled with his
    girlfriend Sammi and is now the proud
    father of a movie star. Their child
    Rayn has appeared in his first film -
    Dexter Fletcher's Wild Bill.
 
    Lee said: "Rayn loved it, I'm so proud
    of him. Obviously he didn't have a
    massive speaking part... He couldn't
    really talk at the time."
 
    Rayn Ryan is two.
 
FYI: Duncan in the gym doing a Fred 
Durst impression?
http://bit.ly/GGtGda 
 
 
***********************************************
iPhone game banned in Saudi for sounding 
"too sexy":
http://itunes.apple.com/app/id505430756
***********************************************
 
 
        >> Things that make you go hmm <<
        Monkeys, Lego, presidential privates
      
    Barack Obama porn-a-like:
http://bit.ly/GCiLya
 
    Free pizza with every vasectomy:
http://ti.me/GAnbIO
 
    Monkey Riverdance:
http://bit.ly/GMK8ql 
 
    Whatever happened to her off
    the Abu Ghraib photos?
http://bit.ly/GFR5wc
 
    Jane Bussmann, who wrote us that brilliant
    piece on Kony, is performing it at 
    Mish Mash, Kampala, Uganda, 20th April:
http://www.facebook.com/events/257204131028443/
 
    Ever wanted to get on the stage at a big 
    festival? Just pretend to be a big DJ 
    from another country:
http://bit.ly/GGuAX3 
 
    Very much enjoyed Little Joe's Little
    Film Club's showing of the BBC Arena
    documentary on Kenneth Anger's Hollywood
    Babylon last night at the Cinema Museum.
    Check out their upcoming programme:
http://bit.ly/GIqQ6q 
 
    Nominative determinism of the week:
    Expert in black market food trends,
    Fiona Lickorish...
http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-politics-17359619
 
 
***********************************************
Refreshingly different, silly and sometimes 
naughty cards, wrap, coasters, mugs and fridge 
magnets (ribbed for your pleasure ooh er missus)
http://www.brainboxcandy.com/
***********************************************
 
 
       >> Stuff about Popbitch <<
 
* Email us stories, gossip, otter pics:
hello@popbitch.com
 
* Subscribe or unsubscribe here:
http://www.popbitch.com
 
 
* Thanks to everyone who sent in the 
many variations on the One Direction joke
 
* Thanks for everyone who suggested what 
that Rebecca and Fiona track sounds like.
It does start the same as Kids in America,
but otherwise we're still in the dark...
*********************************************
 
 
Old Jokes Home
Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
A: An Investigator.
 
Still Bored?
Sick of the Cumberbatch otters? Try
Celebrities who look like mattresses:
http://on.fb.me/GFRzT4
“Pendulum,” a short yet powerful three-minute anime from Japanese comedianTekken, recently aired on Japanese TV, and has since racked up nearly 1.5 million views on YouTube.









Celeb Classics






4pm

Melinda Taub and Adam Sacks imagine what it might look when the Hunger Games inevitably become real, and Coca-Cola inevitably becomes their sponsor.

2pm






Search on for fully aroused man wearing pantyhose who requested Brazilian wax

A man traumatizing women across metro Detroit is walking into boutiques and hair salons wearing pantyhose and fully aroused. The pantyhose is so sheer that it leaves nothing to the imagination. “They were completely see through so we could see everything," said Anna Pagac, a receptionist at Salon Bliss in Rochester Hills. "He had no underwear on or nothing."



It’s believed the same man has targeted stores across metro Detroit over the last few months, avoiding security cameras until he visited Salon Bliss on Tuesday night just before closing time. He asked for a Brazilian wax, a back wax, and waxing services before walking out the door.

The man was wearing a backwards baseball hat, a shirt inside out and backwards, and pantyhose cut off at the ankles. He was also wearing slippers. He is believed to be in his 50's or 60's, with a heavier upper body and skinny legs. Investigators with the Oakland County Sheriff’s Department say his goal is to get attention, but if he’s caught he could be charged with indecent exposure.


YouTube link.

Authorities say he is likely the same man who has victimized women at 10 stores across metro Detroit, including a Bath and Body Works in Chesterfield Township, Francesca's Collection in Rochester, Justice Clothing in Canton, and shops and salons in West Bloomfield, Bloomfield Township and Auburn Hills. Pagac says it’s nothing to laugh about as she felt violated and threatened.

12pm

10am





8am