"On a night out I would pull any of my
friends' trousers down" - Denise Welch
 
"Trying to work out if I'd rather wank
off a dead tramp under a warm waterfall
of dogshit for eternity, or be will.i.am
for a day" -  Theo from Hurts
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POPBITCH           _     _ _
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| '_ \ / _ \| '_ \| '_ \| | __/ __| '_ \
| |_) | (_) | |_) | |_) | | || (__| | | |
| .__/ \___/| .__/|_.__/|_|\__\___|_| |_|
|_|         |_|  02.02.12 ISSUE 580
 
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Send us stories - email: hello@popbitch.com
* Fred Durst's 60 day juice diet
* RIP Leslie Carter
* Charts: Alyssa Reid is number one
------------------------------------------------
 
 
       >> Pipes of peas <<
       Carnivorous crew run from Paul
 
    Paul McCartney was filming in Bermondsey
    Street last week and the street was
    jammed with trailers, including a very
    well-stocked catering truck. Being a
    McCartney production the catering was,
    of course, vegetarian only. The crew,
    however, were not.
 
    So at lunch, as soon as the star’s back
    was turned, they took one look at the
    rabbit-food and then legged it to the
    nearest pub to order steak.
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Spotted: David Miliband on the Northern Line.
Sat in a priority seat with his bag taking up
the seat next to him. Had to be told to move it.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
       >> Phone sex <<
       Su makes a tit of herself
 
    Su Pollard has an interesting little
    party trick. When appearing in shows,
    she likes to ruffle the feathers of
    other cast members by popping into
    their dressing room, pulling down
    her top and pretending to take phone
    calls on her tits. She lifts one up
    to speak into and leans in to use the
    other as a receiver. She generally
    'calls' her agent.
 
 
FYI: Su Pollard: http://www.supollard.co.uk/
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Glee's Ryan Murphy used to go out with Twilight
director Bill Condon. Murphy wrote a screenplay
about it when they split, Why Can't I Be Audrey
Hepburn? It was bought by Steven Spielberg.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
       >> Big Questions <<
       What people are asking this week
 
     Could it be true that Geri Halliwell 
    originally had her eye on designing
    the swimwear for the British Olympic
    team in her Union Jack style - and
    only took up the much hyped Next
    dress project after her Olympic dream
    was quashed?
 
    Kristen Bell's fiancé hired a sloth for
    her birthday party - but what we want
    to know is, where can you hire a sloth?
 
 
**********************************************
The 'Throne' Spanking Paddle for Valentine's.
Handmade in English Walnut and silver.
A new standard for elegant kink. Scandalous:
http://www.smarterthan.co.uk
**********************************************
 
 
       >> Wheatgerm flavoured water <<
       Fred Durst is so rock n' roll
 
    Feeling bad that you haven't quite
    managed to stick to your New Year
    detox? Maybe you'll take solace in
    the fact that Fred Durst has struggled
    too. He started a tumblr documenting
    the progress of his 60 day juice diet
    but it hasn't been updated since
    January 12th and he'd already cheated
    twice by that point.
 
http://fred60.tumblr.com/
 
 
------------------------------------------------
A recent dining companion of Mariella 
Frostrop's was heard opining that Mariella has 
much better manners than Kirsty Young.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
       >> Dorset serial <<
       Plane stupid talk
  
Clarenceworley writes:
    "I sat next to a woman from Dorset on
    a flight from Barcelona into London
    who drunkenly admitted to having
    wanked off gangly ogg-monster Stephen
    Merchant.
 
    "He never called back apparently."
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Bob Crow was holidaying in the Maldives a couple
of weeks ago. True to his man of the people
principles he was wearing his Millwall shirt.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
        >> RIP Leslie Carter <<
        Backstreet sister remembered
 
    We were sad, but not that surprised,
    to hear that Leslie Carter, sister
    of BSB's Nick and Aaron, died this
    week, aged only 25, of a suspected
    overdose. As we always said, the
    Carters are the 21st century version
    of the Jackson clan - with pushy
    showbiz parents and a whole brood
    of messed-up children.
 
    Leslie, when only 14, had been earmarked
    by the family to be the new Britney or
    Christina. She got a $400k album deal
    with Interscope, and a single on the
    Shrek soundtrack.
 
    The album never got released. Poor
    Leslie wasn't cut out to be a pop
    superstar, had panic attacks and
    put on weight. (You can see how weirdly
    stretched her image was to try and
    hide this on her single, Like Wow.) 
 
    Knowing now that she tried to escape
    this world by joining an indie band,
    moving to Canada, marrying the drummer
    and having a baby, this Esquire article
    from 2001 about her single's videoshoot 
    makes heartbreaking reading. RIP Leslie.
http://bit.ly/ztWXnS 
 
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Benedict Cumberbatch hates his Sherlock haircut.
His favourite hairstyle was the long blond
floppy look he had in Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
       >> Popbits <<
       Things we love this week
  
    1. A worthy addition to our series of
    how-did-that-get-made films - The FP.
    Two gangs compete for supremacy in the
    deadly arena of dance stage euromix
    competitions:
http://bit.ly/wHVKT7 
 
    2. What do you get if you cross Katy
    Perry's best track with OMD's best
    track? Teenage Gay. It's awesome:
http://bit.ly/wzGVU2
 
    3. Brilliant 90s pop medley:
http://bit.ly/wtY7VG
 
 
------------------------------------------------
The first song Moby learned to play on the
guitar was Crocodile Rock.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
       >> Don't Don't Ron Ron <<
       Wood if you could, but you can't
 
    Invitations were sent out this week to
    journalists for a preview screening of
    Sky Arts' new show on Ronnie Wood at
    Charlotte St Hotel. So far so normal.
    Except it came with the oddest caveats:
 
    That you couldn't report anything at all
    that was said at the screening.
 
    And on no account was anyone to try to
    talk to Ronnie Wood.
 
 
------------------------------------------------
The last Giants v Patriots Superbowl was won
by a Plaxico Burress score. He went on to be 
even more famous for managing to shoot himself 
in the leg in a nightclub. 
------------------------------------------------
 
 
 
       >> Direktor General <<
       Spot the pattern baldness
 
    Our theory is that the BBC, like the
    Soviet Empire before it, is dictated
    from the top by the Hairy-Bald Theorum. 
    The Director-General succession follows
    the same pattern as the Soviet leadership
    (ie, a slaphead is always followed by a
    hairy man).
 
    Soviet Union
    Lenin (baldy) - Stalin (hairy) 
    Krushchev (baldy) - Brezhnev (hairy)
    Andropov (baldy) - Chernyenko (hairy)
    Gorbachev (baldy) - Yeltsin (hairy) 
    Putin (baldy) - Medvedev (hairy) 
    and probably Putin (baldy)
 
    BBC
    Alisdair Milne (hairy) - Sir Michael
    Checkland (balding) - John Birt (hairy)
    Greg Dyke (baldy) - Mark Byford (hairy)
    Mark Thompson (baldy)...
 
    If our suspicions are correct, this 
    would seem to rule out early favourite
    in the betting, George Entwhistle.
 
See:
http://bit.ly/yaJQmP 
    
 
------------------------------------------------
Alan Yentob's home WiFi network is called YENTOB. 
------------------------------------------------
 
 
        >> Brother bother <<
        Let's hope Nic's efforts were rewarded
 
    Nicola McLean has been on This Morning
    this week to say how much she regrets
    going on Celebrity Big Brother.
 
    Ah well, sympathised Eamonn Holmes,
    perhaps the money for the show helped.
    Nicola said that it didn't, "but that's
    why I was doing it obviously, to try
    and help provide for my two little boys."
 
    Which is odd, as we're not even sure she
    got any money for it. The story going round 
    the TV channel was that they hadn't
    originally selected her - but were 
    impressed when she said that she was
    so keen to be on CBB she would even
    do it without pay.
 
 
------------------------------------------------
Last week’s number one album, + by Ed Sheeran
sold 20,607 copies - which is the lowest sales
for a chart-topping album since Sept 1995.
------------------------------------------------
 
 
        >> Men at work <<
        Funny names down under
 
    1. Two senior managers were forced out
    of Melbourne Convention Centre after
    claims of a catering scam... a Mr Burger
    and a Mr Bowles:
http://bit.ly/xHoGbB
 
    2. Complaints made about nudist gatherings
    at Peka Peka beach, New Zealand are being
    investigated by... Sergeant Bigwood:
http://bit.ly/zlnlYU
 
    3. Dogging at the car park of an Auckland
    Bowling club is being looked into by...
    Inspector Allcock:
http://bit.ly/zbScvW
 
 
**********************************************
Yes, you're a knobhead but I do love you!  
Valentines cards and loads of other goodies.
Cheaper than paying for an expensive 
meal and much more fun.
http://www.deanmorriscards.co.uk/
**********************************************
 
 
       >> Things that make you go hmm <<
       Bin Laden, Mitt Romney, cute dormouse 
 
    Great alternative Valentine's Gifts
    and free UK postage:
http://www.missfoofoovonladygarden.com
 
    Do horses lie down to go to sleep?
http://bit.ly/wTbEnG
 
    The snoring dormouse:
http://bit.ly/yxmIQ4
 
    Thanks to the Observer for introducing
    us to young Romanian footballer Bin
    Laden Virtosu. And here he is:
http://bit.ly/wf1UqK
 
    Nice piece on drum and bass legend
    Andy C:
http://ind.pn/z3kXkI
 
    How long would it take Mitt Romney
    to earn your salary?
http://slate.me/w4wJOl
 
    RIP Universal amphitheatre - 
    to make way for a Harry Potter ride:
http://bit.ly/w6bXqi 
 
 
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